I stood in the near-dark a few nights ago, thrilled to be able to burn a small pile of limbs and dead wood, one of many piles waiting for attention on my property. I watched this one crackle and crumble in the face of the flames. I wielded my pitchfork with care, keeping the water hose close at hand.
There is something exciting about watching a fire at night. One good flame can spread its light for hundreds of feet all around. Nighttime’s a good time to burn, as the air is generally calmer than during the day. Still, I was careful, as it’s been dry here, to wet down everything in the vicinity of the fire, including the trunk and limbs of the nearby tree. I watched as the bits of black ash, some still twinkling with orange at the edges, floated to the ground; and I was grateful that I finally had water here, making it safer to burn.
Tonight I am inside my home-to-be, watching other debris fall, like sifted flour, to the floor. I am covered in dust, a fine white powder that makes the room hazy. The dust descends from the wall in front of me and covers my hands and arms, coats my hair. To protect my lungs, I’m wearing a protective mask.
I’m standing in my new bathroom, sanding the freshly “mudded” walls.
“Mud” is the white goop that is applied to new sheetrock to hide the seams and imperfections.
After it’s dried, it must be scraped or sanded in between applications.
It’s dirty work, and doesn’t offer the immediate gratification of a blazing fire. Tonight I am fretful, a weary madwoman. I am asking myself: Am I saving any money—really—by doing this work myself? Or am I just making one holy mess? My muscles are tight and my feet hurt.
It has been a few weeks since I celebrated in my last post the arrival of water and electricity to the Pixie Plantation (See my previous posts), the site of this madwoman’s efforts to create a home out of a classroom on ten acres of North Florida land. The walls of my bathroom were finally built, and I thought, surely, within a matter of a few days, I’d be able to paint those walls.
Alas.
It turns out that the two nice guys, Ray and Russ, whom I hired to erect the walls around the tub and install the sheetrock, were also involved in another project and were not available to come back in the foreseeable future to finish what they’d begun. So, I said to myself: I’ve got to get this done! I’ve got to move on! I’ll have to find somebody else or do it myself!
Do-it-myself. Such an alluring concept. And yet, consider the acronym: DIM. Is this the bright thing to do?
When I calculate the amount of money I am spending in gasoline to make the 100-mile round trip to do this work, and the many days that have elapsed since the bathroom walls were built, I wonder about the wisdom of this do-it-yourself project. Because I am new at this, it’s taking me much longer than it would a professional. And I’ve had to buy some tools I didn’t already have. So, tonight I ask: Am I dim or am I just a little light flickering, flickering, determined to burst into something bright and beaming?
As I work tonight, I vacillate—from one minute to the next—between feeling defeated: I give up. I give in. (I crawl down the ladder.)
And then hope rises: I can do this. I can do this. (I crawl back up the ladder.) Putting sheetrock mud on walls is not rocket science, I tell myself. Dirty, yes. Tiring, yes. But not rocket science.
Once I realized that the nice guys, Ray and Russ, were not as available as I’d hoped, I got the name of someone else. Glenn arrived on my makeshift doorsteps the day after I called. Short, bearded, with big blue eyes, he looked a bit like an elderly elf, which is not a bad thing in a Pixie pad!
Glenn lives not too far from my new property and is willing to act as consultant/teacher/mentor, coming for one-hour tutorials. He and his helpers are also willing to do the work for me, when I need it. Thus far I’ve paid him for two visits to coach me on sanding sheetrock, putting tape in the corners to seal them, and also give me advice on preparation for laying tile on the floor.
On the first visit, he told me to get two sheetrock “knives” and a pan in which to put the mud.
He explained how to put the tape in the corners and said that doing that part of the work wasn’t hard but tedious. “Your arm will get tired holding that pan,” he said.
On the second visit, he seemed impressed. “You did real well in those corners. Everything’s coming along.” I think he was surprised. As we concluded that session and he stepped out of the building, he said, “Not many women—well, I know this is a stereotype—but, not many women would take on a project like this with such hard work.”
A small firestorm of thoughts crackled in my mind. Women? Strangers to hard work? I think not. But, I by-passed what might have been a mildly scorching feminist rant and reached into my truck to get the money to pay Glenn. “I’ll take that as a compliment,” I said as I handed him the $35. “Something drives me to do all of this. I like doing the work and, for years, I’ve wanted to build my own house.”
I stand in this home-to-be tonight, fluorescent lights blazing, and put down the sheetrock sander. I pick up the pan full of mud and hold it in my left hand. In my right I hold the knife. With a couple of swipes of the knife I cover a small imperfection in the dried mud. Not bad, I think. It is getting easier.
For tonight, I’m still on this project. Tomorrow, or the next day or the next, I may call in Glenn and the troops. But, for now, I’m on it. There’s no stopping a woman and her dream. This dim light flickers. Maybe soon she’ll burst into flame.
Please also see my writing at http://wrinkledintime.wordpress.com, http://dancetheriver.wordpress.com, and www.elderwomenmusings.com.
24 comments
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December 10, 2011 at 2:24 am
Mary
No doubt that you are going to do this and do it well. You must be feeling, aside from being a bit tired, pretty darn good at all the progress you have made. I am inspired by your story, and…I love your boots from dance the river!
December 13, 2011 at 1:38 am
madwomandancing
Mary, thank you so very much. I do appreciate the support. And, I’m glad you like the boots. They’ve covered a lot of ground!
December 10, 2011 at 6:47 pm
Creativelife
My dear Ellen,
It isn’t can I do this…I am doing this! Sending admiration!
December 13, 2011 at 1:39 am
madwomandancing
Linda, I have taken your comment into my head and heart. The discouragement factor has been high. Tomorrow when I go to my new place, I will remember the mantra: I AM doing this! Thank you so much.
December 11, 2011 at 9:36 am
E.C.
There’s nothing like the feeling of successfully doing a job yourself. It’s probably one of the best boost to the self esteem. I’m glad you took the compliment. Glenn sounds like a good mentor to have.
I’ve done a lot of sheet-rock work in my life and I think you’re doing a great job. Like you said, it’s not rocket science but it is a lot of tedious work.
I’m proud of you and for you.
Your photos are wonderful. I think the top one of the flames looks like an angel standing with head bowed and the last photo of the flames looks like the angel is rejoicing.
Keep up the great work & updates!
Wishing you a very Happy Holiday Season!
🙂
December 13, 2011 at 1:42 am
madwomandancing
E. C., thanks so much for your comments. Yes, it does feel good when I can do something, especially something that’s new to me. It gives me confidence to go on to the next task. I appreciate your support, as I have been, genuinely, bogged down. And, I love your comments on the flames. I’m going to take a closer look right now!
December 11, 2011 at 12:26 pm
ernestine lawson
So pleased to see your new entry.
First the fire. I still have many piles of limbs in the woods and at the edge of my new clearing. Has been dry and not comfortable burning and then wet no one is available to be with me.
On the drywalling – I am proud of you for doing this.
Something that I never did in the homes I built. I drew the floor plans and laid out my surroundings, Cleaned after workers and ran errands.
Always excited with each plan and seemed energy just arrived unexpectly.
But at night I would be so tired and think I could not go on.
This cottage ‘MY LAST’ and home before this were done when I reached 70. So you are still young enough to do this 🙂
Take care and any help so you do not hurt yourself – have.
But then at this time I am still out doing labor I should probably not do and I may have to have surgery after the holidays. Repair work on 2 year old gall bladder removal.
December 13, 2011 at 1:44 am
madwomandancing
Ernestine, thank you so much for keeping up with this story and for your comments. When one is in the woods and doing so much on one’s own, there is always something more to do–a pile of wood to burn, to some ground to mow, etc. Am I right? I am so sorry to hear you may be facing some surgery. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
December 13, 2011 at 4:35 am
Jan Timmons
Ellen, your writing with photos interspersed just flows. You inspire me to continue to learn and to try—although I’m not keen to repeat my own drywall attempts. My goals include awakening without ‘shoulds’ and anxiety, hiking with regularity and with less fear of bears, and posting photos with a tad bit more confidence. After that, who knows?
December 22, 2011 at 1:11 am
madwomandancing
Jan, thanks so much for your comments and compliments. I believe we all inspire each other. Your gorgeous photos and well chosen words, in addition to your honesty in your posts, touch me. I love the goals you’ve named here. And, with less fear and more confidence, yes, WHO KNOWS what we can do?!
December 13, 2011 at 8:57 pm
Mary
Ellen, thank you for visiting my blog…always like good company! What I am doing with the doll making/sculpting thing is really not so different from what you are doing at your Pixie Plantation…just because I CAN really! I am a retired school teacher, brought up by a seamstress mother, and felt a need to create something. I had never sculpted anything, other than with play dough, when I took the challenge (from myself) to make 26 dolls, from A to Z. My mind stays busy with this business, so I sleep well at night…much better than doctors and medications!
December 22, 2011 at 1:14 am
madwomandancing
Yes, Mary, I couldn’t agree with you more in reference to the healing power of creative endeavors. Your work amazes me. I look forward to seeing the evolution of your A to Z family! And, yes, also, to your comment about doing all of these things–making dolls, fixing a building, and making a homesite–as being essentially the same. And, hurray that we are doing it BECAUSE WE CAN!
December 20, 2011 at 2:58 am
writingfeemail
That’s a respectable fire – makes me want to beat a drum and dance like a banshee. I have been wondering about the progress so this was nice to see.
December 22, 2011 at 1:15 am
madwomandancing
Wish you were here to beat a drum and dance like a banshee. I’d join in! Thanks for your support. It means so much!
December 20, 2011 at 5:06 pm
life is a bowl of kibble
My husband, father in law and I built our home. I know the care, love and back breaking work it takes to create a sanctuary. I can see already that this home is special.
December 22, 2011 at 1:17 am
madwomandancing
How wonderful that your home was a family affair! When I’m applying more sheetrock mud (as I hope to do tomorrow or the next day), I will think of you and know that your bold energy has helped (in some unfathomable way) to pave the way for me!
December 22, 2011 at 10:43 pm
Piglet in Portugal
I can’t believe I almost missed this latest update!
You are very brave to attmept some of the more skilled work yourself – I’m so impressed 🙂 Good for you!
As for night time bonfires….hmmm I love them espececially if you have some chestnuts and some spuds to throw on 🙂
Have a great Christmas and New Year and hope it is not to soon before we will all be raising our glasses to toast your huswe warming party.
PiP
January 3, 2012 at 9:47 am
jakesprinter
Amazing story you have about what you did there
i salute you cause you never give up but then job well done 🙂
January 5, 2012 at 1:25 am
madwomandancing
Jakesprinter, thanks so much for visiting here and for your kinds words. I do keep plugging away at this project! I look forward to checking out your work and will do so soon.
March 13, 2012 at 12:13 am
ernestine lawson
Missing you.
Take care….
March 13, 2012 at 2:18 am
madwomandancing
Ernestine, thanks so much for thinking about me. I’ve tried twice to leave you a comment, once just now, and once about a month ago. But, for some reason, there keeps being an error and my messages are not being accepted!
March 13, 2012 at 2:37 am
madwomandancing
Ernestine, I’ve just tried, again, to leave you a message on your site and even tried sending you an email. But the email was returned. Would you be willing to email me and allow me to email you back?
March 25, 2012 at 9:37 pm
Piglet in Portugal
Hi Ellen,
Hope you are well? I’ve missed the updates on your home in the woods.
Just to let you know I’m thinking of you 🙂
Kind regards,
Carole
July 6, 2012 at 3:09 pm
E.C.
Hey Ellen
I hope you’re doing fine and have gotten moved onto your Pixie Plantation. I miss hearing about your progress and also about your parents. And of course I always enjoyed seeing that handsome Dobie’s photos and hearing about his latest antics. He’s a peach a fellow to be sure. 🙂
I’m sending out positive thoughts and prayers your way. (((hugs)))